The Grand Tour

Clarkson, Hammond and May: A Long History of Sausage Jokes

If you were paying any attention at all during this week’s Christmas-themed episode of The Grand Tour, you couldn’t have missed the P1 McLaren, E Type Jaguar, NISsan GT-R joke. This certainly wasn’t the first of its kind from the trio, and it won’t be the last.  The boys have a long history of gags centered around the gentleman’s region. Here’s a list of the top 10, in order from oldest to newest.


  1. In series 9, the boys tried their hand at a spot of farming, asking how hard could it be to make their own biofuel? Harder than you would think, because they ended up with diesel after May was accused of buying the wrong kind of seeds. With an abundance of the “wrong” type of fuel to burn, they entered the Britcar 24 Hour Endurance Race with a diesel BMW. One of their faux sponsors was the fictional Peniston Oil, carefully arranged to just say “penis”, should the door be opened.vietnam-special
  2. For the series 12 Christmas Special, old Top Gear was challenged to do what no American had ever done before: make it from the South of Vietnam, to the North. As was customary, each presenter was given what they thought was a massive amount of money (500,000,000 Vietnamese dong), to buy a vehicle. They soon discovered, however, that this astronomical amount of dong was only enough to buy a motorcycle (barely), which explains why Jeremy is wearing a helmet. The graffiti was put there by Richard in retribution for Jeremy and May painting his motorcycle hot pink. electric-car-dummy
  3. Back in series 14, the boys thought they would have a go at “improving” the electric car. Their solution was the Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust, with a chassis by Hammond, propulsion by May and stylings by Jeremy. Before it could be put into production, the diesel-electric hybrid needed to be put through a series of government tests to prove it was safe. Naturally, this required a crash test, and instead of the customary yellow and black circle, this dummy got a different kind of marker.storm-drain
  4. In series 19, the boys took a little trip across the pond to test 3 supercars, the Lexus LFA, the SRT Viper, and the Aston Martin Vanquish, in a drive across the American SouthWest, to Mexico. While there, they decided to visit one of Los Angeles’ famous storm drains. First they did a test to see whose car could leave the longest elevenses (tire marks). Then they decided to see whose car could do the best donuts…car-rugby
  5. The new Reasonably Priced Car in series 19 was the Kia Cee’d, and there was only one way to make sure it was up for the job: car rugby. During half-time, May gave his losing team a pep talk, complete with illustration, of how they would need to travel up the field, back down, and finish with hand-brake turns at the end on either side of the goal posts. Hmmmm…. penistone
  6. In series 20, episode 4, after horrible flooding in England, the boys decided to bring their patented version of “helping” to the rescue. To do this, they decided the only solution was a “hovervan”, part hovercraft, part Ford Transit Van. Naturally, Top Gear’s secret Amphibious Engineering Center is located in the the Yorkshire town of Penistone. hover-craft
  7. Just outside the aforementioned Amphibious Engineering Center, Jeremy and Richard are seen conversing about their hovervan. Coincidentally, when one side of the gate they were standing in front of was open, it just said “penis”.cycling
  8. In series 21, Top Gear again came to rescue of Britain, this time by saving its cyclists. Jeremy and James were charged with making a PSA aimed at keeping cyclists safe on the roads around London. In one part of the episode, Clarkson is seen explaining the best route around a double mini roundabout, to a very amused and annoyed James May.bellend
  9. You may not have seen this next phallic reference, as it wasn’t officially shown on an episode of Top Gear. During their final full season, the presenters took a controversial trip to Patagonia, Argentina. They ended up causing more of an uproar than perhaps they even intended when it was implied that Jeremy’s license plate , H982FKL, was an allusion to the 1982 British – Argentinian Falklands War. According to Jalopnik, when police searched his car, they found two more license plates, that said “be11end” (a British slang term for… well, you know by now).hub-caps
  10. Later in series 22, the boys were challenged to become part of the “active SUV lifestyle” promised by car companies, but for a much lower price. After modifying their cars to make them “more lifestyle-y”, Jeremy came back with some very interesting wheels.

A long and distinguished history to be sure and we look forward to many more as The Grand Tour rolls on.


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