The Grand Tour

Jeremy Clarkson Quits The Grand Tour To Pursue Career In London Mayoring

Jeremy Clarkson is said to be quitting The Grand Tour in order to pursue a career as London Mayor “as soon as physically possible”.

This comes as no surprise as for a long time he has expressed an interest in how a number of the city’s frameworks are run. In fact, the subject of his latest column, that caused quite a stir when the Daily Fail misquoted the piece, will be his first port of call, with Clarkson planning a complete upheaval of public transport and the congestion charge.

“London should be the pinnacle of all capital cities, but for some reason, it’s swarming in busses and trains and traffic cones. Stupid!” The ex-Top Gear host said.

“Living on my farm has taught me that you simply don’t need them. And if you take away these dirty diesel busses and trains, the city will be greener, and polar bears will start smiling again. My genius is almost frightening.”

When asked about the loss of city income, he had a simple answer.

“Well if you buy Amazon Prime, the city will never have to pay for postage again, surely saving us all more money than ever.”

Clarkson will be beginning his campaign on April 1st, with it ending later that day on April 1st.

When asked why his campaign is so short, he looked at me like I’d just given him a cold steak and said, “how hard can it be?”

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  1. This has to be an “April fools” joke…
    But if hes serious, I’m gonna start identifying as a Muslim living in London so I can vote for him. Even though I live in the U.S.

  2. We had Reagan and Bush as president a of the US.. Joke.. JJ. C. has to be a serious candidate!!!!!

  3. Powerful platform as a start but I think you are shooting too low.
    Why don’t you try to become the Indian prime minister, British prime minister or the king of England?

    I am sure you would come up with a better solution than the covid-19 entire lockdowns and start of the 21st centuries great depression.

    Happy April fools day but seriously you must have thought of a better solution than lockdown.

  4. I don’t believe I can allow u 2 quit the show just yet. Let’s say you Richard & James give me 1 moar full season, I’ll gladly consider tearing up your contracts after that 😃

  5. Remember Boris took a drive if the RPC while he was Mayor so using good Clarkson Logic, in a few years he will be PM. Hooray for car people!!

    1. Amen to that brother! I love Clarkson! Now his phrase of “When I come to power” makes sense!

  6. Love this – absolutely brilliant – thank you for bringing smile to heart and soul in midst of overwhelming CV angst – mayor Clarkson def has my vote!

  7. As much as I totally believed this until I got to the end ; as much as I think Jezza would have been perfectly suited!? for Mayor, honestly can’t see it for some reason. Me. Clarkson has MANY good ideas but really? Public office is not quite as fun as we’d all like to think. Let’s just get that Madagascar episode out!

  8. I love jeremy clarkson as a entertainer , comic and loads of silly ideas.but mayor is bound for disaster.that would be equal to giving Donald Trump a dawn off shotgun. So jer

  9. Anyone else heard Jeremy Clarksons voice in their head while reading his bits …

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