Jeremy Clarkson reveals that he sank to his knees when he read the news that his favourite London restaurant went into administration. Fortunately, The Wolseley in Mayfair is still open over a technicality, but the Clarkson’s Farm presenter is disappointed to say the least.
He wrote in a column for The Sunday Times that the news shocked him:
“‘Noooooo!’ I wailed, while sinking to my knees and throwing my head back in anguish,” he wrote.
“London without the Wolseley would be like Sydney without the opera house or Cindy Crawford without that mole. Pointless.”
He continued, explaining why he loves the restaurant so much:
“There are many reasons I like this restaurant so much. First, there’s always someone in there I know and can ignore,” he wrote, beginning his list of what he loved.
“Then there’s the temperature, which is always set at a level where it feels as if there’s no temperature at all.
“Then there’s the haddock Monte Carlo.
“And then there’s the fact that I can always get a table at 20 minutes’ notice because I was a friend of AA Gill.”
He dived into the reasons for his love of the restaurant.
“But the main reason I like the Wolseley is the man who runs it. He’s called Jeremy King, and he doesn’t walk round making sure everything is all right.
“He glides. It’s as if he’s wearing hover shoes.
“And if you’ve booked on the same night as an ex, or Piers Morgan, he’ll call to warn you,” he admits.
“He is the greatest restaurateur in the greatest restaurant in the world.”
He revealed, though, that he’s not sure why the restaurant hasn’t been successful, despite reading the business pages of the Financial Times:
“I was at a loss. I recognised that the words being used were English, but I’d never seen them written down in that order before.
“There was talk of restructuring and of unknown American institutions that seemed to have limitless funds and of private equity, and it all swam around like alphabetti spaghetti in a Zambezi whirlpool.”
Still not knowing what was going on, he traveled to London to meet the owner of the restaurant who was soon to be due in court over the administration.
“As he patiently went through the issues, I couldn’t help thinking that asking this gentle man to immerse himself in this weird world of finance was the same as asking Ricky Gervais to do a sword fight with someone from the Unsullied,” he admitted, revealing that while he was a great restaurateur, he wasn’t businesses minded.
“Because business talk to normal people is like playing Wordle on mushrooms.”