The Grand Tour

Jeremy Clarkson Shouts At Neighbour Over Brexit Issue: “I pulled up, called him a c***”

Jeremy Clarkson has been hit with yet another issue on his Diddly Squat Farm which has grown from the UK leaving the European Union. According to recent writing from The Grand Tour presenter, the leaving of the EU meant that an order was severely delayed after it was kept at the Brexit border.

He planned to grow Durum wheat that’s a popular ingredient in products such as pasta after birds were making his rapeseed crop nothing but a distastes. But with him only being able to order what he needed from Rhône Valley in France, they were kept at the border behind Brexit red tape.

“I have come face to face with a major downside of leaving the EU and on balance, I’d rather have Covid,” he writes angrily.

“I was feeling very smug.

“I had a new crop that could cope with hot dry weather, and it would make flour that’s jolly popular with those who enjoy a doner kebab after a pint. That’s a double top.

“As you can’t easily buy durum seed in Britain, I placed my order, through a complicated chain of middlemen, with a French seed breeder in the Rhône Valley. And very soon, three tonnes of the stuff arrived in Calais, where it got stuck in a jungle of red tape.

“The French customs said it would not be released until they were given the consignment’s EORI number, and no one on this side of the channel had the first clue what that was.

“And there was no point asking the French for clarification because all you get is the Gallic shrug, a universally recognised symbol of complete uninterest. Tinged with a hint of ‘Well, you shouldn’t have left the EU, should you’.”

His order contained “£45,000 on a snazzy new Weaving Sabre Tine seed drill”, which he was very excited about.

“The weeks passed and the weather got hotter and hotter.

“And as the thermometer climbed past 24C, I started to worry that I’d missed the boat completely, and wouldn’t be able to plant it even if it did turn up.

I was so cross that I drove over to see a Brexiteer neighbour yesterday morning and called him a c***. I did. I pulled up, called him a c*** and then drove home again.”

Thankfully, his issues were fixed when someone from his supply chain who “worked out that an EORI is some kind of hybrid VAT number”.

Now, Clarkson plans on continuing with this plan and will be updating us with more news about his seed planting when he has it.

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One Comment

  1. In one of his books from around 2004 or 2006 he disliked the European Union and pointed out that the onlything it was good fro was the ability to tell the difference between real leather and PVC. He has changed his tune since his business benefits from the EU.

    Who is the c*** now?

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