The Grand Tour

Our Top 10 Ugliest Cars Of All Time

It’s the article you’ve all been waiting for, the definitive, the official, the one and only list of the ugliest cars of all time. There are some absolute hounds on this list and we’re excited to show you.

Disclaimer, this is purely my opinion and if you disagree you can be safe in the knowledge that I don’t know what I’m talking about. Understood? Good, lets begin. I’ll be counting from ten, lets go.

10. Nissan Juke

Ahh the Nissan Juke, I honestly don’t know why I see so many of these monstrosities driving around everywhere. Look, I get that it’s a ‘useful vehicle’ and ‘looks shouldn’t determine a cars practicality’ but on this list it does. It looks like a frog (not quite as froggy as another car on this list mind) and if I had the money to buy one new (£17,170 to be exact), I’d be getting something else. Nope, not for me.

9. Pontiac Aztek

Next on the list is the Pontiac Aztek. Filth, pure filth. Yes I know what you’re saying.. ‘but Walter White drove one in Breaking Bad, that makes it cool’. WRONG. Not even Walter White can make this thing worthy of my brain processing its grotesque design. There are just far too many angles going on here I can’t cope.

8. PT Cruiser

Don’t lie, you all knew this one was coming and I bet a few of you are surprised by how low down on the list the PT Cruiser actually is. Let’s not deny it is a horrible looking car and one that would often appear top of the list. Well not today, I couldn’t just play the easy route out and stick this… thing… top of the list could I?

7. Alfa-Romeo Sz

Alfa’s are known for their gorgeous good looks and brilliant designs, however the Sz is not one of their best attempts – in fact, I hate it. I’m not sure what the designers were on when they designed this but it must have been something pretty strong. To be honest, I’m amazed the big wigs at Alfa even let this thing get past the concept stage – there are a lot of unanswered questions being left on the table here. The biggest one is.. WHY?

6. Chevrolet Lumina Apv

Just give me a second here.. I need to be sick. This thing is absolutely abhorrent. I never in my life expected to have my eyes burning into my skull as much as they are right now. For a start lets look at the colour, battleship grey I’m calling it. And then there is the red trim, I’m not having it – you’re kidding yourself here Chevrolet, IT DOESN’T HELP. Good grief, I’m actually angry, lets move on before I lose it.
5. Aston-Martin Lagonda
This is actually the first of two Aston Martin’s to make this list. The Lagonda was Aston Martin’s first attempt at a four door car and lets be honest, they completely stuffed it. It’s far too long, I hate the fact it has six headlights and it’s just all round offending to my eye – lets leave it there.
4. Stout Scarab
3. Aston-Martin Cygnet
As promised, its the second and final Aston Martin of this list.. the atrocious Cygnet. Its like the ugly child of a model, you know it should be good looking but it isn’t and you can’t really work out why. Its like a cursed Smart Car and given its genes, it should look a whole lot nicer than this. If I had Cygnet money, I wouldn’t be buying a Cygnet and to be honest I can’t understand why anyone would. I can imagine its a bit of a beast to drive but I couldn’t take the public shaming, sorry but no.
2. Mitsuoka Galue
My eyes… MY EYES. This thing just doesn’t know whats going on does it? Mitsuoka is a Japanese company that is attempting to bring us modern Japanese cars but with ‘classic’ 1950’s British styling and if none of you lot are going to say it, then I will… it doesn’t work I’m afraid – keep it away from me and my retina’s.
1. Fiat Multipla

Well done, you’ve made it to the end of this list – it was an endurance I know but we’re not quite there yet, we still have one more to go and it’s absolutely horrible. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Fiat Multipla – or the Frog King as I like to call it. This, much like the Nissan Juke, you actually see everywhere in the UK and again, I cannot work out why. It has three seats in the front like a McLaren F1 and three seats in the back like the ABSOLUTE MONSTROSITY IT IS. Please if you own one of these, please enlighten me.. why, just why?

And there you have it, the Grand Tour Nation definitive list of the ugliest cars of all time. I’m sure some of you will disagree and there is for sure, a whole lot of ugliness that has been left out. The important thing to remember here is that you made it and you never have to look at these cars ever again. For making it all the way through, I have a little present for you – please ease your burning eyes and scarred memories and bask in the beautiful glory of the La Ferrari, you deserve it.

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