The Grand Tour

Jeremy Clarkson Busts Health Myths And Reveals The Secret To A Long Life

Jeremy Clarkson surprisingly turned into a myth buster in his column on The Sun and specified the don’ts for a healthy and long life in a pure and hilarious ‘Clarkson style’. Starting off with the myth that we’ve been asked to walk 10,000 steps every day by a Japanese company that made an “indoor running machine,” the former Top Gear presenter reveals his version of the truth to save ourselves from dying. He wrote:

“In fact, a major new European survey has found that, actually, we only need do a weirdly precise 2,337 steps a day to keep the Grim Reaper at bay.

“That’s excellent news for me because it would take me five hours to do 10,000 steps and I just don’t have that much free time in a day.”

Next, Clarkson clarifies to us that we don’t need to sleep eight hours every night, and neither do we have to drink eight glasses of water. He then goes on to express his disgust with water in detail, as we saw in The Grand Tour Season 3, Episode 11 pee challenge. He wrote:

“And there’s more good news, because it also turns out you don’t need eight hours of sleep every night and nor do you need eight glasses of water every day.

“I know that everyone under the age of 25 doesn’t feel dressed unless they have a bottle of Evian about their person, but it’s all nonsense apparently.

“I’ve suspected this for some time. I never drank a glass of water as a child.

“We had pop and Ribena and tea but never plain water. It would have been unthinkable. And it’s still unthinkable today.

“Even when I’m in a hot country and my urine is coming out like a stream of hot dark sand, I still won’t touch the stuff. Unless it’s got grapes in it, or barley.”

Clarkson then goes on to ridicule “doing press-ups” or holding a plank unless you were a scaffolder, before expressing his love for fruits and vegetables and his addiction to tomatoes, before ending with the ‘antidote’ that’ll make you live forever. He wrote:

“Other stuff which turns out to be unnecessary is doing press-ups or holding a plank. I’ve no idea what that is or why it might be beneficial, but it seems you don’t need to do it. Unless you’re a scaffolder, obviously.

“And there’s another commonly held belief which is wrong: That you need to eat five portions of fruit or vegetables every day. It turns out you actually need to eat more.

“You can do as many steps as you like and hold planks from dawn till dusk, but you’ll never fit in an aeroplane seat again unless you replace your daily intake of Cadbury’s Fruit & Nut chocolate with an apple and a potato.

“I’m happy with this because in recent years I’ve become completely addicted to tomatoes, which in my mind are fruit and vegetables all at the same time.

“I eat them raw, with a spoonful of Branston Pickle, and there is no taste sensation to match it. I also love radishes and will happily get through 200 in a single sitting.

“Then there’s raw turnip, plums, raspberries, gooseberries, spring onions and asparagus. All fantastic.

“But best of all is marrow. Just peel it, remove the seeds and boil it for five minutes.

“Then serve in front of the TV, on a bed of meat with five buttered potatoes and lashings of thick gravy, and wash it all down with three pints of lager.

“And you’ll live for ever.”

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