The Grand Tour

Jeremy Clarkson Brings More Bad News From Clarkson’s Farm: “Bottomless Pit Of Misery And Despair”

In a recent column, Jeremy Clarkson has revealed that his Diddly Squat Farm that features on his popular show Clarkson’s Farm, has hit yet more issues. As he and fellow farmer Kaleb Cooper begin harvesting, they run into serious trouble as things begin to go wrong on the farm. And this had a negative effect on the revenue of the business. 

Jeremy writes that as they harvest 50 acres of barley, the dew starts to hit the crops which were “just’ dry enough to harvest anyway. 

“Off went a full lorry load to the grain merchant, who called the next day to say that we hadn’t stopped in time, and that as a result 1.2 tonnes of the 30 he’d picked up was basically water,” he wrote

“Understandably he said he wouldn’t be paying for that, so £170 was knocked off the price.

“And let’s not forget, £170 is £26 more than the farm earned in total last year.”

Jeremy Clarkson: Girlfriend’s Son Scared That He’d Kill The Grand Tour Presenter Upon Realising He’d Spread It To Him

He continued, explaining that there was even more to add to the list:

“There was more too,” he said.

“Because the 29 tonnes of actual barley we’d sent him had to be dried before it could be turned into hen food, we’d be billed £256.

“Still, at least things then got worse, because five of the tonnes we’d harvested wouldn’t fit in the lorry and as it wasn’t worth getting another truck for such a small amount, it’s been sitting in the open for a week, becoming crusty and damp and useless.

“So that’s another £700 down the drain,” he complained.

Jeremy Clarkson’s Contemplates Buying A New Tractor For Clarkson’s Farm 

He added yet another issue they found.

“Because we still have half a big field of barley left to harvest, I can’t get next year’s oil-seed rape in the ground,” he wrote.

“Which means that when we do the dreaded flea beetle will be out there, knife and fork at the ready and its napkin tucked in.

“Still, I guess that if the rape is all devoured by beetles, at least I won’t have to worry about the pigeons eating it.”

He comes to an end, explaining that he is now officially a farmer, and able to “whinge for hours without repetition or hesitation.”

He lists everything that has damaged his farm over the last few months:

“The weather. Defra. Carrie Johnson. That b****y alpaca. Chris Packham. Brexit. Badgers. Ramblers. The timber shortage.

He went on: “Flea beetles. Black-grass. Sheep.

“There’s a bottomless pit of misery and despair in farming and I’m wallowing in it.”

Alex Harrington

Alex started racing at a young age so certainly knows his way around a car and a track. He can just about put a sentence together too, which helps. He has a great interest in the latest models, but would throw all of his money at a rusty old French classic and a 300ZX. Contact: [email protected]

Related Articles

One Comment

  1. Attn Jeremy Clarkson

    Grain, Oil seed & Potato crops are merely commodities whose pricing varies by month, crop quality & average yields.

    As a former farmer, I have collaborated with the market makers in many crops. You should have a chat with Doug Harley whose company controls the production of Seed potatoes.

    In the past, Harley’s make as much revenue from activity on the Commodity markets as they do on selling their crops.

    You cannot take advantage of optimised market pricing for your crops unless you have on-farm drying and storage facilities.

Back to top button